When I was young, my parents would often tell me to “take a deep breath” when I was overwhelmed or upset. It’s good, well-meaning advice that I basically never took. I guess I didn’t see the point at the time.
Later, when I was in my early twenties, I started looking at meditation to help with mood. At that age we tend to be searching for self-identity and meaning ─ exactly what meditation promised. But I could never get into it. As soon as I was told to “take a deep breath in” I was out. It seemed like just another breathing exercise. I knew how to breathe, so what was the point?!
It was only much later that I was recommended James Nestor’s book, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art. Despite my initial skepticism, I picked it up and was immediately engrossed. He seemed a little skeptical himself and, like me, wanted to understand why breath work…worked.
Some 300-odd pages later and I had uncovered far more than I was expecting and encountered more than the odd surprise…
In this article:
The Science Behind the Breath
What I find particularly interesting, as a psychologist, is that our lungs are directly linked to our sympathetic (emergency) and parasympathetic (rest and repair) nervous systems.
When we’re stressed, anxious, or angry (nervous system arousal) our sympathetic nervous system activates and sends a signal to our lungs: “Danger coming ─ get more oxygen!”
Our breathing becomes quick and shallow and we use the top of our lungs and our shoulders usually rise and fall with each breath.
This can be really handy in a fight or flight situation. It allows us to do short, sharp bursts of energy, like climbing a tree to flee a predator. But when the danger signal is triggered by our partner raising their voice, our boss asking for a meeting, or simply from an anxious thought…the fight or flight system isn’t as helpful.
What’s more, this quick and shallow style of breathing actually sends messages to our brain as well. We might start breathing quicker for little or no reason, or we might be a little activated, and then our sympathetic system gets the same “Danger!!” message, even though there’s no immediate threat.
The tl;dr version: Short, shallow breathing is both activated by and activates our sympathetic (emergency) nervous system, causing a feeling of danger and panic.
While this might sound like it might cause a hopeless spiral (and it certainly can), the good news is that it works the other way around. When we breathe slowly and deeply, especially with longer exhales, we’re essentially telling our parasympathetic system: “All clear. It’s safe to relax now.”
The Surprising History of Breath Work
The other particularly interesting bit (for me, anyway) in Nestor’s book was about the history or breath work. It turns out that humans have known about the power of breath for thousands of years. What’s more, cultures across the world, with no contact with each other, independently discovered remarkably similar breathing practices.
From Catholic rosary prayers, to Buddhist chanting, to Hindu mantras, most traditional practices involve breathing patterns that hover around 5.5 seconds in and 5.5 seconds out, totalling about 5.5 breaths per minute. This isn't a coincidence. This rhythm appears to be hardwired into our physiology as the optimal breathing rate for calm, focused states.
Counting to 5.5 seconds is, of course, very difficult. If you want to try this yourself, allow just over five seconds for each in and out breath. Alternatively, my Grounding Body Scan tool uses a 5.5 breathing time to keep track for you.
Practical Techniques
If you want to know more about the background to breathing, I highly recommend James Nestor’s book. But, for now, it’s time to move onto some practical breathing techniques.
For reasons I won’t get into here (but are expanded on in the book), the most nourishing breaths are taken in through the nose and out through the mouth. You can always just stick to nasal breathing if you prefer, but try and avoid mouth breathing if possible as it dries out your breath and can block your nose.
With all the breathing techniques, the best way of controlling your breath is with your diaphragm ─ the bit just below your ribs and above your belly. It’s a large, strong muscle that draws breath deeper, expanding the lungs, and helping to activate the parasympathetic (resting) nervous system.
Warning: When Breathing Exercises Feel Uncomfortable
Just a word of caution before we start with the techniques: Some people find focused breathing exercises make them feel more anxious, not less, and it can sometimes cause people to feel lightheaded or dizzy. This is completely normal but if you experience an increase in anxiety, dizziness, or lightheadedness then stop.
You can also try:
- Starting with shorter sessions (30 seconds to 1 minute)
- Keeping your eyes open rather than closed
- Focusing on exhales only — don’t worry about controlling the inhale
- Breathing with movement, like gentle walking
The Extended Exhale
This is your basic nervous system reset button. The key is making your exhale longer than your inhale.
- Breathe in for 4 counts
- Breathe out for 6 counts
- Repeat 5–10 times (this one can make you particularly light headed, so don’t do it for longer than 10 repetitions)
The longer exhale regulates your vagus nerve and signals safety to your system. The ratio matters more than the specific numbers, so as long as you breathe out longer than you breathe in, it will help regulate your nervous system.
You can also try starting with an out-breath. Empty your lungs completely, then push a little more to get that last bit out, then take a deep breath in (try not to gasp quickly). Then squeeze all the air out again but time it this round. If it takes 8 counts to breathe all the air out, breathe in for 6 counts, and so on.
The Physiological Sigh
Particularly useful when you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed.
- Take a normal breath in through your nose followed by a short, sharp ‘sniff’ (in-in) to fill up your lungs
- Follow with one long exhale through your mouth
- The exhale should be longer than the combined inhales
This one can be particularly helpful when you’re already gasping for air or sighing quite a lot. It basically puts some structure around those innate behaviours to help slow things down a bit and make the breath more satisfying.
4-7-8 Breathing
Excellent for falling asleep or deep relaxation.
- Inhale through your nose for 4 counts
- Hold for 7 counts
- Exhale through your mouth for 8 counts
This one can really help slow everything down. While the two exercises above can be quite energising, the 4-7-8 can be very relaxing. But just like the extended exhale, don’t do it for too long or you might start to feel a bit lightheaded.
Box Breathing (4-4-4-4)
- Inhale for 4 counts
- Hold for 4 counts
- Exhale for 4 counts
- Hold empty for 4 counts
Keep the counts equal and comfortable — if 4 feels too long, try 3 or even 2. Alternatively, if you find 4 too short, try extending to 5 or 6.
My Box Breathing tool actually allows you to calibrate the time so it’s comfortable for you. Give it a try here.
Choosing Your Technique
It can sometimes be hard to know which technique to use, especially if you are feeling panicked or overwhelmed. Here’s some quick rules of thumb to help you decide:
- Feeling panicked or overwhelmed: physiological sigh (double inhale, long exhale)
- General stress or tension: extended exhale (4 in, 6 out)
- Trouble sleeping: 4-7-8 breathing
- Daily practice or balance: 5.5-second rhythm
- Need structure and focus: box breathing
- Struggling with exercises: just feel your natural breath
Your breath is always with you. It’s the most accessible tool you have for communicating with your nervous system and finding your way back to calm. The goal isn’t perfect breathing — it’s using your breath as a bridge back to your body and out of your worried thoughts.
If you find it difficult to keep count, don’t worry, it can be confusing at first. My Toolbox contains tools to help with all of these breathing techniques. Just click on the links above or visit The Toolbox.
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